Thursday, February 25, 2010

An open letter:

We are fed up. We've been sick. It's the end of February. I would like it to be the end of winter.

This is an open letter to everything that sucks.

Dear Cold,
Please go away. I am tired of the coughing, the sniffling, the blowing of noses, the wiping of noses, the dripping noses, the chasing of small children to wipe said noses. Go. Away.

Dear Laundry,
Please do yourself. Thank you.

Dear Winter,
Please go away. I think you and Cold should head south. Head west. Head east. Whatever. Just get out of my face. I think I made a good go of it. I skated. I tobogganed. I bundled my children one million times to go play in the snow. I shovelled. I pushed my bundled kids on swings in snowy parks. I would prefer sunshine and sandals and warm evenings now. Your cooperation is appreciated.

Dear Olympics,
Please end. I have watched very little of you, but you are bugging me now. I am tired of strange, weird sports dominating the news (or as I like to think of it "not-news." Cheery Vancourites with your green grass and happy flowers, you annoy me, and Hockey??? Well, Hockey, I hate you. Chase your stupid little puck, bash in a few heads, get your medals; just get it over with.

Dear Mittens,
Stay on my children's hands. Oh, and don't get wet either. They hate that.

Dear Neighbour,
Why you would want a dog I cannot understand. Why you would choose to have four dogs is beyond my comprehension. The reason for letting those four dogs crap all over your lawn all winter without cleaning up any of it -- well, I can't think of any rational for that at all, but I do think, Neighbour, it's time to get shoveling. It's time.

Dear City of Ottawa,
Please stop debating about strollers on buses. You are the freaking capital city of Canada. Set a good example.

Dear Elmo,
Stop laughing like that.



Dear Dylan,
Thanks for putting up with our grumpy, snotty, sick souls. You always have a hug handy when needed.

Dear So and So...


Amanda said...

I'll sign all of your letters except the Olympics letter. I love the Olympics and am thankful they are on so that I have something to watch while I'm in my own cold virus hell. However, I agree that Vancouver looks too nice for its own good.
What's the stroller issue with Ottawa transit? Too big? I'm torn on what kind of stroller to buy. What did you get?

Ada Saab said...

Right there with you. And Vancouver likes to look pretty but it's all homelessness, human excrement and crystal meth just around the corner. The Olympics don't want to show you that. Vancouver doesn't either. They are like insecure mothers who try to pretend they have a perfect life because making others feel bad makes them feel better about their badness.

Okay, I'm done about that.

You need chocolate.

Amanda - get a stroller with shocks and/or pumped up tires. The rest of them are mall strollers and suck if you want to go outside anywhere else other than a smooth sidewalk. If I were to do it again, I'd get my hands on a Bob Stroller - even used ones will be good. They last.

Jenn said...

Ada, is that what those "wonderful" women are doing? I thought they were perfect! HA! Half the time, I feel like Kate Winslet in Little Children. Remember? She's at the park with all the Super Moms and they have everything perfect for their children: perfect little lunches, tidy snacks, clean outfits, and blah, blah, blah. I'm the mom pulling a half-eaten cookie out from the bottom of my bag, dusting off the dirties, and passing it to my children.
Last week, at playgroup, I let Rosemary eat a granola bar that had been made in facility that may have PEANUTS. True story. I didn't even think about the evil peanuts. I really didn't. The shaming was pretty intense.
Strollers -- I dunno, Manda. I went with the Graco, mall-stroller route, and it worked pretty well. You can clip the Graco car-seat into it, which is nice when baby falls asleep on the way to Costco, and then you just clip them into the stroller while you shop in Costco and eat all the yummy samples. Actually, to be honest, with Finn and Rosemary, in the beginning, I used a sling and didn't bother with a stroller. Now we have a double stroller, and I love it in a way that is probably creepy, all things considered.
Factors in your stroller purchase:
Budget -- I think they run from $100 to well over $700. Check out kijiji or craigslist. That's where we got our double stroller, and it had never been used, I don't think. Some people get one and don't use it much.
Use -- Are you going to be taking it down trails or just down the sidewalk to the park? Consider tires that will go through snow, though.
Number of children -- some of the better strollers, like Bob, convert to double strollers if the need should arise. This is actually the route I wish I had gone. Then it wouldn't be like a stroller graveyard in my garage.
As for the Olympics, I just cannot buy that all those athletes eat at McDonald's. That stuff is toxic. The commercialism makes me sad.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jennifer, it's me San from YLF. I am thouroughly enjying your funny blog. Your family and you are beautiful. You have a great sense of humor. It's fun to hear chat from all the way over on the other side of the contenent.
I am actually from San Diego, California which is as far south as you can be before you are in Mexico. The weather there is perfectly sunny and warm all the time. We swam at the beach alot, or in swimming pools, or lakes, or any mud puddle we could find. I miss San Diego terribly. My grown children and one grand daughter are born here in Washington though, so I guess I will be staying here.